xoxo, nico

it would be awesome if i had the balls to spit this all in your face but instead i’ll grin and wear it because that’s the right thing to do in his sticky situation. i could tell all and i will to the wrong person one day but until then i will end up your best friend and just in case you need a shirt because you lost yours during your walk of shame maybe i can lend you one but i would never expect you to replace it because i don’t really give a shit about material garments.  you fucked him so fuck you and fuck her and maybe fuck them too but from now on you should stand on your own two feet instead of using me for balance because i don’t owe you anything. i’ve done enough for free and what i got in return is nothing compared to the bullshit i’ve had to deal with and the comments that are nothing less than selfish. you will get whats coming to you. i promise you this: karma is a bitch.

get

over

shit

we got to the point that instead of looking into each others eyes we sit across and catch a sideways glance. it’s so much safer to spill our guts on clicking keys instead of face these things but then the outcome ends up nothing. no climax in connection, unstated understanding, no crooked smirk that means they know that you know that they know…remember the park times, the one lines, the sad signs, the bonding crimes? so now what? i get exhausted just remembering what it was like to feel something in my gut. its exhausting just thinking of starting it with someone new and afraid of it bringing me back to that same old scene where the moment is unnatural but utterly romantic. maybe i’ll think its different, like this is new, this is not you…a free fall in connection, unstated understanding, a crooked smirk that meant that he knew that i knew that he knew. another humdrum run to run. so what if I drink a bottle a day, or drift away. there is nothing left to say.