we got to the point that instead of looking into each others eyes we sit across and catch a sideways glance. it’s so much safer to spill our guts on clicking keys instead of face these things but then the outcome ends up nothing. no climax in connection, unstated understanding, no crooked smirk that means they know that you know that they know…remember the park times, the one lines, the sad signs, the bonding crimes? so now what? i get exhausted just remembering what it was like to feel something in my gut. its exhausting just thinking of starting it with someone new and afraid of it bringing me back to that same old scene where the moment is unnatural but utterly romantic. maybe i’ll think its different, like this is new, this is not you…a free fall in connection, unstated understanding, a crooked smirk that meant that he knew that i knew that he knew. another humdrum run to run. so what if I drink a bottle a day, or drift away. there is nothing left to say.
One Response to “fear of highs”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.