xoxo, nico

i asked my daddy to find my high school diploma packed in a box somewhere in a closet at the home they sold because where i grew up became too much to own. this isn’t the first time i have purposefully misplaced my identity. after high school i took of to nashville and stole a kitten from the humane society. i decided he came from a litter of strays and justified my actions because i saved him from the gas chamber. i wasn’t allowed to have pets in my boston apartment so i left him to roam around the mansion with a hidden driveway on a country road. a month ago he didn’t show up at the side door or sneak in to the garage when it opened. last night our next door neighbor found him floating in their pool and my daddy buried him in the back yard alone.

sometimes you stumble upon the diamond in the rough but it still makes me wonder how many of them i cut out of my life. if we were all paper dolls then maybe i would be a staple that connects the two who got ripped off from their original piece of paper. if you read my palm you would see my life line is interrupted in several places because its me who turns on my heals and leaves behind one one of two pairs of shoes. it would be so easy to steal someone’s identity and pretend to be almost me. maybe they saw me as something they didn’t need. maybe they couldn’t handle me. they said i was too much so i jumped.

what is the obsession with living in the past and being the center of attention? lately i’ve been hiding any motivation to be scene or play games tagging everything but her face in a little black book because it just got so fucking old and boring. i don’t miss those places i’m pretending i can’t get into without any form of identification and to be perfectly honest i simply haven’t wanted to see you face to her face in your sick and twisted little face off. i can’t be in those situations any more because i am the queen of drama and i never think before i say the things i mean. you never said you were sorry. you never cared about anything other than making whatever was currently on your arm better in a for worse way. no refunds no exchanges. i can’t take back anything i’ve chosen and i will never be the one afraid to fail. devil vs devil. winner takes angel.