xoxo, nico

i don’t know. i don’t care. i’ll get there after i leave here. i can’t ever admit to having any place to be but when i woke up from being the lonely victim i landed on my knees hoping i would be high enough only to fall free landing flat on my face once again where i lost my head underneath like the ostrich who buried her body six feet beneath concrete. dandy lion weeds can die when they’re still seeds and there’s no telling how long its gonna take to dig through all those roots in order to find the full moon on the flip side of the rabbit hole. one day maybe soon i will comprehend the meaning of ideology and tell the difference between leaving and security but until then i might as well just sink into loose leaf sheets and not pay attention to anything but what i pretend to see through the looking glass that separates me from drowning underneath grains of raining sand.

there’s a mean time and there’s the time being but in my world it just seems like time has just been mean to me. i ran out of it hours, days, weeks, months, and ages ago. i wasted it all laying in bed waiting for you to come calling. i wonder if you heard what i had done. i wonder if you care that i may as well be in a coffin or if you’re the one silently punishing me for my actions. go ahead and try to make me feel guilty. try to make me feel like i’m the one that did something wrong. i can justify anything i do while you’re blinking your eye and out of the corner you’ll see me as i’m leaving sneaking out the back door but you can’t come after me because you’re sustained by the grip of the girl you picked while you tried to get even. its too late to feel sorry and it takes to much energy to hate being in the same time at the same place. you are to blame for the demons you swallow like the larva floating at the bottom of the tequila bottle.