xoxo, nico

update: i still have no camera and no laptop. i have nothing because i gave it all away for free so they broke and i’m affraid i have nothing left to gamble. i’m all in.

i don’t know. i don’t care. i’ll get there after i leave here. i can’t ever admit to having any place to be but when i woke up from being the lonely victim i landed on my knees hoping i would be high enough only to fall free landing flat on my face once again where i lost my head underneath like the ostrich who buried her body six feet beneath concrete. dandy lion weeds can die when they’re still seeds and there’s no telling how long its gonna take to dig through all those roots in order to find the full moon on the flip side of the rabbit hole. one day maybe soon i will comprehend the meaning of ideology and tell the difference between leaving and security but until then i might as well just sink into loose leaf sheets and not pay attention to anything but what i pretend to see through the looking glass that separates me from drowning underneath grains of raining sand.

i’m sorry i can’t make it i have prior engagements. i lost my wallet and i don’t have an id to get into where you want me to go so its pointless for you to put me on the list. my phones broken and i’m not taking any calls. lately its like i’m loosing everything. all of the sudden its all gone like it was stolen before it disappeared into thin air right out from under my nose slipping through finger tips and there’s no insurance or any way to replace the damage i’ve already caused. i wish i may i wish i might have nothing to do with what happened that night.

good luck keep in touch hope to see you soon. maybe i will stay up really late at night and stalk your facebook or login into your myspace because i happen to guess the password on accident once in a moment of weakness only to discover that you are the most boring fucking person on the planet. some relationships make me sick to my stomach and i don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to stand on your own two feet instead of let them control the places you go and the way you feel when they stand there a few feet from me. i have no problem ignoring you not one bit because you are a bad habit that i would like to quit. sometimes it fascinates me how fast people can go from being in love to an acquaintance you see more often than not or once in a while but what the fuck no one says we can’t be friends.

poor little rich girls i wonder who you’re going to play with later.

danger

…feels so good.

evidently my addiction has not subsided. he remains present and I will be seeing him this week.

i have no soul it seems.

no soul or self control.