xoxo, nico

he asked out princess but come to find out from a little birdie called abby road mr. wonderful has been in bed with her flatmate for the last few months swooning her before hand with champagne and oysters. i told duchess and she said he has been pursuing her cousin and i just ran into him with his ex-girlfriend looking like they were in love. opening night of james bond he tried to get in my pants but i said no due to my own personal reasons. princess was in love with his conversation then and couldn’t understand why i would pass up the perfect potential lover. maybe it was because i know something you don’t know or i got bored and i would bet money that he never deleted those incriminating photos of me in a pianos bathroom off his i phone. subconsciously we’re all in love with fucking the player but unfortunately we trip then hope we don’t fall and this is the reason all of our knees end up covered in blood.

silly little rabbit

we got to the point that instead of looking into each others eyes we sit across and catch a sideways glance. it’s so much safer to spill our guts on clicking keys instead of face these things but then the outcome ends up nothing. no climax in connection, unstated understanding, no crooked smirk that means they know that you know that they know…remember the park times, the one lines, the sad signs, the bonding crimes? so now what? i get exhausted just remembering what it was like to feel something in my gut. its exhausting just thinking of starting it with someone new and afraid of it bringing me back to that same old scene where the moment is unnatural but utterly romantic. maybe i’ll think its different, like this is new, this is not you…a free fall in connection, unstated understanding, a crooked smirk that meant that he knew that i knew that he knew. another humdrum run to run. so what if I drink a bottle a day, or drift away. there is nothing left to say.

so much for hoping he was the next one and only. so much for his potential and the mixed messages in the voice mailed to me or the text he sent while he painted the town red. i thought he was different for a second and for the first time in my life i was going to try to take it slow instead of letting him rip off all my clothes as soon as i stepped foot over the threshold. they win when most of the time i loose but the truth is i’m really not that into the competition. what i don’t get is why he tried to come in between me and duchess. he sent me a mixed message first but she happened to be the one out so i guess it was more convenient for him to get to her side of town. a little bird told me he was all over her and she couldn’t help but notice he was socially ackward. what the fuck i just don’t get why they all only go for what they believe is easy. guess what: i have never had to work for what i got.