xoxo, nico

so friday night’s gonna be fun. atomictom’s on at arlene’s at eight. derek james is playing highline right before josh dion band celebrates a cd release. imagine all the ex-lovers i could potentially run into. wes hutchinson’s in town playing with clay aiken so the oracle fit him into a nine o’clock slot at rockwood. he’s going to be on tv all next week because some producer recommended him to the idol loser’s people. i wonder if all that air time will add up to fifteen minutes of fame and if he was playing letterman i totally would have been holding his hand. he was supposed to stay with me but he choose duchess instead because she lives on the a train and that’s closer to gibson. yeah whatever, love you too wes.

i kept telling him naughty things in his ear but i guess he wasn’t listening. maybe he couldn’t understand because the music was too loud. maybe it went in one ear and out the other one. duchess informed me after the fact that he’s involved…well isn’t everyone? what, like that’s supposed to mean they’re off limits or something. yeah, okay. whatever. just because they have someone doesn’t mean they don’t still want it. i can’t even count how many taken lovers i’ve had (because that would just be bad). the musicians are the best kind because there is no relationship and it stays a secret. don’t ask, don’t tell. it always ends up complicated unless there’s no strings attached and i’d much rather stay independent. on top of that i just don’t believe that anyone will ever be able to give me what i want.

i feel like i just woke up from the dead. my head is pounding, my hands are shaking, my nose is running. i should probably eat something but i can’t because it’ll taste like dirt from my grave. blah, sick. i wish for a switch to shut the sun off and make it dark again. it disappears much faster here than on the west coast. over there it’s daytime forever. i left my past in venice beach on new years eve with the resolution to be a good girl. new place, new ways. i was motivated for a little bit, no drinking, no smoking, celibate and then the withdrawals came back. someone handed it to me on a mirror and i relapsed. i’m new here, no one really knows me so i can be who ever i want to be. i came from where the sunsets on the sea. i could have went to a temp agency and got a job as a secretary but instead i went to a venue and got a job cocktail serving. that was too easy, they hired me on the spot. connect the dots, la, la, la, la, la, la…

i just moved in with the duke yesterday so we went out and celebrated. he’s from south london and the ladies love him but there’s one problem…he’s taken (i’ll get to that one later). the duke will drink you under the table and last night i tried to keep up with him. scotch and me don’t get along too often. i guess i was all sloppy talking jibberish and drooling all over his vintage jacket by the end of the evening. i don’t remember the cab ride back to brooklyn or him carrying me over the threshold…this means the duke’s the one and i will have to live with my first impression.

he posted an ad on craigslist because a room opened up in his apartment. to make a long story short, i answered it, we met, and a week later i moved in. tonight i’m going with him to blender to see some band he’s friends with called atomictom. hopefully one of the members will come home with us as my victim.