xoxo, nico

i wrote out my rent check and i have four whole dollars in my bank account. i’ve been broke for so long its turned into gangrene and they’ll have to amputate because the depth of this infection takes over everything even if there was a slight chance the wholes will heal. everything i had has shattered into a million pieces and whatever was priceless has been buried underneath a pile of needles.

free spirit costs a pretty penny. one out of seven of these accomplishments i claim had nothing to do with me. the reason why my name is attached to them comes directly from some random connection. the most valuable lesson i’ve learned is to keep the right people a far cry from the ones who pretend to have compassion. does anyone who claims i give too much away count for anything anyway??? they’re the one’s who will come running the next time i spiral into the depths of my disposition, maybe. they’re the ones who will sit at home catching up on tivo wondering why the fuck service is expensive.

is there somebody out there who can possibly explain the difference between irony and coincidence while i’m sitting in between a boy in skinny red jeans and a twelve string. lately everything is a matrix. the chaos theory revolves around me multiplied by one two three.

there’s a mean time and there’s the time being but in my world it just seems like time has just been mean to me. i ran out of it hours, days, weeks, months, and ages ago. i wasted it all laying in bed waiting for you to come calling. i wonder if you heard what i had done. i wonder if you care that i may as well be in a coffin or if you’re the one silently punishing me for my actions. go ahead and try to make me feel guilty. try to make me feel like i’m the one that did something wrong. i can justify anything i do while you’re blinking your eye and out of the corner you’ll see me as i’m leaving sneaking out the back door but you can’t come after me because you’re sustained by the grip of the girl you picked while you tried to get even. its too late to feel sorry and it takes to much energy to hate being in the same time at the same place. you are to blame for the demons you swallow like the larva floating at the bottom of the tequila bottle.

now i lay me
down to sleep

i pray the lord
my soul to keep

if i die
before i wake

i pray the lord
my soul to take

derek james has iphone ammo uh oh.