xoxo, nico

its not easy living someone elses’ dream. its not fair, its not real but at least it could be my new beginning or a false pretense for all those fantasies i imagined that could possibly happen to me. a lottery of disguises and plots to keep my piece of mind from turning into dust at the gates of reality. perhaps its the four letter answer to the crossword riddle for deity or maybe the clue i’m missing could crack the code of why i told the lies i pretend to know in order to keep from revealing the consequences of what holds me back from killing any truth worth its exposure. my faith is locked inside a cryptic jewelry box and everything i conceal is as valuable as believing there’s a pin-light worth reaching if i make it through this tunnel. i can’t help but blame myself for being the victim of a dream and when i take the stand you can be the guest of honors’ lonely witness. as i raise my right hand and plead insanity the holy grail can disappear beneath my fingertips because i solemnly plead to never admit i was the only soul who made the mistake of believing its perfectly okay to keep my toes crossed when i made a wish. i am brave enough to hope to die but petrified to pull the needle out of my eye.