xoxo, nico

some people’s lives are routine and everyday can be the same subway steps to the the same revolving door to the same elevator down the same hall to the same cubicle. they all wear panty hose and stilettos, cufflinks and neck ties so i stand out in my t-shirt and knee highs. i was just not cut out for this nine to five and i’d much rather have slept in this morning.

i should have stayed in last night and did my laundry. this is what happens when i forget about my limit and i keep going. when i woke up he was sleeping next to me so i got dressed and ready to leave silently. i said i wouldn’t do this again but for some reason i keep giving in because i suppose i don’t like to wake up alone. i was going to sneak out so i wouldn’t have to say goodbye but he woke up and i had to confront what i had done. we’re friends with the same circle and i’ll see him around but i have to stop the spontaneous phone calls or else things could get dangerous. i had to put an end to it while i was still ahead. its been going on too long and it got complicated. there’s no such thing as a part-time relationship and pretending that its going to work out in the end is simply my imagination. it is impossible to be monogamous without having a commitment and i can’t love someone who i don’t trust. we are just too different so why should i keep prolonging the past when there is no future for us.